Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
