I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
