I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
