I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
