A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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