She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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