when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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