I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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