maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
