We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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