we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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