Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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