I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
