Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
