Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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