cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
