I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
