His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dignity is for republicans.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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