I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
