I wish i was in the wii world.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
