mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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