watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
