I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
