she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
