when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
