Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
