The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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