tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
