can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
