Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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