theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
