Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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