Cold hands, warm shart.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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