I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
