Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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