New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
