You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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