Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Even my vagina gasped.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
