I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
