I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
