The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
