I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
