So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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