I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
