I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
