Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just had sex on a roof
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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