I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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