U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
