I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
