sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
