How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
