As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
